# 10
What Happens in Vegas...
This early year 'romantic comedy' delved into pretty much everything I hate about a good chunk of most Rom-Coms these days; they're not fun, they're mean spirited and the leads spend so much time bickering and making each other's lives hell, that eventually that vibe infects the audience.
Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz are both likeable, attractive leads but their talent is wasted here to a unbearable extent. And the high quality of the ending quarter only bears to remind us how dreadful the former acts were. What Happens in Vegas...should have stayed in Vegas.
# 9
88 Minutes
You know there's a problem when an Al Pacino movie ends up on your bottom 10 list. What does it tell you mainly? It tells you that despite Pacino and his ability to class up just about any movie he looks at, the screenplay, direction and writing are so attrocious that even he could not elevate it to a level of watchability.
Nearly every vein of this film is compromised in some way such as its horrendous supporting performances, the fact that it is a thriller devoid of thrills thanks to the passive nature of the story and the actions of its characters, right up to the twist which manages to be both ludacris and obvious. 88 Minutes is time you can't afford to waste.
# 8
One Missed Call
Of any film I reviewed this year, I probably had the most fun writing my slam-a-rific review of this laughable Asian remake. The story is so flat out dumb (which mirrors the characters well I might add) and inconsistant it falls apart long before the confusing and far to exploitative finale which is bound to result in some trips to hospital from inhailing popcorn due to excess laughter.
I really can't remember more passive and uninterested characters in a horror film. Aside from the two leads, the supporting cast wanders around litterally waiting to die from the ghostly phenomenon that is befalling them. With only some creepy atmosphere to its name, this film is not even the worst Asian remake of the year, but it is one that you can safely miss.
# 7
Funny Games
This remake of the same name, by the same director is one of the most unpleasent movie experiences I have had since 2007's The Hitcher. The fact that it takes a unique approach to it's home invasion, torture porn scenario can only elevate it to a level of art house garbage. The pretentious long take camera shots are more then tedious and the liberties with reality to drive home the message are about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the temple.
The only thing I will say in this film's defence is that after watching it I could not forget it. If you can get past everything I hated about it, you may think it is genious. For myself however, I wanted to forget this film with a passion. There is certainly no fun to be had in this sadistic and revolting endeavour.
# 6
Four Christmases
This was a late year surprise in my stocking, and certainly not a good one. When a Christmas movie starring oodles of talented actors can be about as unpleasent in its own way as a movie like Funny Games, you know someone has missed the mark. I can barely imagine what this film could have been like without Vince Vaughan, who is all of this films 'charm'.
Plagued with similar issues to What Happens in Vegas... this vehicle lends no sympathy or likeability to any of its characters, nor does it lend them any credability as real people. (Nor is it at all funny) I just wanted this movie to end, and that was all I asked from Santa this year. Thankfully, I got my wish.
# 5
Shutter
Well, I certainly shutter at the thought of this movie, the second and even more awful Asian remake this year. While less overtly stupid then One Missed Call, it is equally as preposterous, twice as dull and at least three times as predictable. Yet another family is stalked by a ghost with sinister motives that will eventually be revealed at the climax, and is one of the many, many films this year that takes a huge nosedive at the finale.
Unfortunately for Shutter, the rest of the film was crap as well so there is nothing if anything to recommend and in fact this movie was so forgettable, I am having some troubles recalling it all. All I can hope for is that Hollywood will dam the flood of Asian remakes before we all drown.
# 4
Zombie Strippers
I'll acknowledge that director's take a big chance when intentionally creating a 'B' movie. Sometimes it pays off like in 2006's Slither, or another film this year called Splinter (Now say Slither Splinter 10 time fast). But in this case in most certainly did not. As a huge fan of zombie films, the poor outcome of this attempt at schlock was doubly as frusterating and even more boring. Even with copious amounts of nudity, watchig rotting corpses pole dance is not the way to win over the male demo.
More of an embarassment to all those involved then a successful throwback, Zombie Strippers and its troupe of Go Go dancers, Go Bad right out of the curtain.
# 3
Prom Night
Here is an early year abomination that tried very hard to hold onto its title of worst of the year, but alas it was usurped. Prom Night is actually a very interesting study in how to ruin a movie inspite of itself. This remake of a minor classic is rated PG-13, and as such features little to no blood, no sex, no swearing, nothing good when it comes to a slasher flick.
Despite this lack of gore, etc the crippling problem is the following. To compensate for its teen friendly rating, the director opts to off as many characters as possible to an extent where it actually becomes sadistic and wholly unpleasent to watch. Bonds are formed and love is declared between certain characters and also unfortunately, the actors are sufficient enough that they actually form likeable characters. When the blood finially stopped spilling I was neither scared nor queasy. I was depressed.
# 2 & #1
Meet and Spartans & Disaster Movie
Everyone loves a twofer! Except when it comes to two movies by the same director's which are so bad, so without merrit, so below any words in the English dictionary to adequately describe the badness, it is almost an acheivment in itself that they could get two of these films released in the same year.
I don't want to spend much time on this, because really, the creator's behind such filth as Date Movie and Epic Movie spent no time making these 'movies' so I don't want to spend time writing about them. STAY AWAY! I SAW THEM SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!